Yummy Tears
by UnicornsRKickass
Summary: Cartman loves the tears of the innocent. Deranged continuation of Super Phun Time. Butters/Cartman


"Eric. Eric, get up right now!" a steely voice shouts. I feel a sneaker nudge into my side, and blink my eyes open to see Mr. Garrison staring down at me. I don't know why, but he looks_ super_ pissed right now. Everything is a blur, and it suddenly occurs to me that I'm lying on the floor of this dirty ass school bus. Other kids have already taken their seats, and Mrs. Crabtree looks at me with an ugly scowl. "SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW!" she screams, startling the shit out of me. Jesus, this bitch seriously sounds like a dying walrus or something. Not that I've ever heard a dying walrus before, but god damn, it's annoying!

Mr. Garrison kicks my side once again. "Eric, would you _please _get your giant ass off the floor and go find a seat so we can finally leave?"

I would _love _to cuss him out right now, but Mr. Garrison is on his period today and I don't want to get a stupid F over a school trip. Yeah, they actually grade you on your_ behavior_, as if the school work wasn't bad enough, and I'm not going to summer school again because of it. I raise a hand to touch my lip, which is bleeding a little, and then heave myself up off the floor. I can't help but wince and hold my stomach as I stand. Those burger king robbers were fucking brutal. No, they didn't beat me, they just made me really hungry for a whopper sandwich.

The rest of the kids are all staring at me blankly, except Stan, Kyle and Kenny, who are laughing their asses off at me from their seats in the middle row. Why? Because they're assholes. I scowl at them and head further down the aisle. I have a feeling that I'm not going to get a seat today.

I was right. There's not a single god damn spot to sit down, because everyone either scoots towards the edge of their seats or pushes their backpack beside them so I can't sit next to them as I walk by. This is why I hate class fieldtrips. Ever since this town became popular, things have gotten _way_ too crowded. You'd think the opposite would happen, considering the ten times that our city hall has been destroyed by something angry and giant in the past year. Why would people _want_ to live here and send their kids to our crappy school?

I make my way to the back of the bus, even though I know there probably won't be a seat back here either, but then I spot an empty space next to Butters. He's probably the only one who hasn't barred off the edge of their seat from my ass yet. And he looks a little angry at me as I plop myself down, but I don't really give a crap. He goes back to looking out the window and doesn't speak to me as the bus takes off. Thankfully.

Things are a bit awkward the rest of the ride. I hate to admit it, being Eric Cartman and all, but I really can't stand sitting in silence around other people. Especially when there's nothing to do. It just creeps me out. I need to find something to rip on Butters about or else I'll go crazy. But my brain is too tired to think of anything good right now.

"Hey, Butters." I chuckle. He's been beat up pretty badly too, covered in dirt and scrapes and a torn sleeve from our crazy day. "Nice shirt." I say.

He furrows his eyebrows at me. Oh, this is good. I rarely get the chance to see Butters angry, because nothing ever really bothers him. Today was different, though. I hadn't seen him this mad since that one time I stuck a cherrybomb up his dead gerbil's ass and watched it explode. Heheh. That was so funny.

Anyway, back to the subject. Butters is pissed, and I take this as my chance to rub it in. "So, I bet your parents are going to ground you for getting into such a mess, huh?" I say.

"N-no. I wasn't planning on tellin' them." he shrugs.

"But they'll be able to tell that _something_ happened. You can't just go home looking like you just came out of a warzone." I hear him growl quietly, refusing to acknowledge that fact as he stares out the window.

"You know Butters, if it we would've just stayed at Super Phun Time like I suggested in the first place, we wouldn't have gotten shot at."

He turns and glares at me. "We weren't _supposed _to be at Super Phun Time! And I didn't have a super fun time _anyway_!" he yells, his voice raised. I can practically taste the anger radiating off him. Mmm, sweet, innocent anger is the best kind of all.

"So you mean you _didn't _like getting dragged around on the floor in a bumper car?" I continue.

"No, I didn't!" he hollers, scrunching up his face. This is so priceless.

"And you didn't like falling on your face ten times in the roller arena?"

"No!"

"So..you really _didn't _like holding my hand?"

"N-no!" he mutters. Wait, was that.._apprehension_ I heard in his voice? I pause to think, and he glances down at the floor. If I didn't know better, I would almost say that Butters has a little crush on me.

Nah. I actually _do_ know better, and I'm pretty sure that Butters is a fag. And I do mean gay fag; he just doesn't know it yet. So guess what I'm going to do? Coax it out of him and then make him cry.

"Butters..be honest, do you really like me?" I ask in a calm tone. His eyes shoot wide and he shakes his head. "No!" he denies. Psh, yeah right.

"Come on Butters, I just want to know." I conveniently brush my hand up against his and let it stay there, just to see how he'll react. After a moment of hesitation, he grabs my hand. He wraps his fingers around mine, and turns to face me again with a sheepish smile. I smile back. I'm totally faking it. But not for very long.

"Dude, you're a faggot!" I suddenly scream. It's loud enough that everyone on the bus can hear. I yank my hand away from him like it were covered in jew phlegm, then glance around and notice several other students staring back curiously. Craig pops his head up from two seats in front of us. "Who's a faggot?" he sneers. "Butters is!" I reply. "Stay the hell away from me, you queer!"

Butters' mouth gapes open in surprise. He can't believe it. I take this opportunity to push him into the window and punch him wherever I can throw a hit. I'm probably not doing very much damage, but eh, whatever. I'm more about mental games anyway. He pushes me back with such force that I actually fall off the seat and into the aisle. Mr. Garrison starts yelling.

"Eric! Get in your seat right now!" he approaches the end of the bus while it's still moving, shaking a finger at me as though it were supposed to scare me or something. "I don't want to hear another word from your mouth until we're off this bus!" he threatens.

"But Mr. Garrison-" I begin in my sweet voice. He cuts me off. "You speak again and I'm marking it off your progress report!"

God dammit. I mutter under my breath as he retreats to the front of the bus. Whatever, I don't really give a shit. Mostly because the rest of my plan simply involved sitting back and waiting. I knew that Butters would crack at any moment now. He had his head leaned against the glass, trying to pretend I wasn't there. It seemed like the whole bus was staring at us.

The chick sitting in front of us popped her head up, directing her glance down at Butters. She poked his arm, causing him to look up. "Are you really_ gay_?" she asked in astonishment. I watched as he shook his head, mumbling "No." She raised her eyebrows at him. "Yeah right. I always knew you were funny! You act weird."

It wasn't long before the rumor had spread around the whole bus, kids laughing and pointing as they joked and threw insults at him. YES, it was perfect. My plan had worked perfectly. And as if to put a cherry on the cupcake, I saw him start sobbing quietly against the window. Oh my god. His eyes were wet, and there was a river of tears straining down his face. I couldn't contain myself.

I grabbed his chin and forced him around, leaning in quickly to lick the tears off his cheek. They were salty and sweet, filled with embarassment and fear. Innocent, yet guilty. The most delicious kind of tears of all.


End file.
